Whether we’re high power execs or stay-at-home moms, self-criticism is a tendency that many people especially women have. We fall for the idea that self-criticism pushes us to perform better and to live up to higher standards contrary to self-love. As women we tend to be highly critical of ourselves and blame ourselves when we fail and attribute our successes to other people and circumstances. ( men do the opposite)
I have the privilege of participating in a talk with female entrepreneurs together with Transformational Leadership Coach & Consultant, Regina Huber. While pondering over the theme of the event ‘choreograph your success as a female leader in business and society’ I realised there’s an aspect that hinders success for many women and contrary to many beliefs its not external. It is the simple yet power term self-love. Statistics from research by a pioneer researcher Kristin Neff, author of the book Self Compassion, show that self-love or self-compassion has far reaching benefits. These benefits affect not only you as a person but your relationships. I will be sharing with the Ladies on “Loving yourself to success” because I realised that self-compassion is the key to resilience in our personal lives and at work.
Hence my question:
Can self-love affect your performance and productivity? How so?
I posed this question to a group of awesome and inspiring women I have had the privilege of knowing and their responses are as follows:
‘If I didn’t practice self-love and self-acceptance, I would not be able to write one word. My love comes out in what I do.’
Barb Parcells -Freelance Writer at Freelance Writer/Editor
‘Self-love definitely affects our productivity and performance. It allows us to flow in a beautiful positive light. It is so good for the mind body spirit and soul. When you are in a place of love you are in a place of ease and peace which actually allows you to get more done. When you criticize and push yourself beyond, illness sets in and too much negativity forms. It bad for everyone. Stay in that positive self-loving light and you will go far.’
Heather MariA -Owner at Heather Maria Photography
‘I notice self-criticism with my clients and work with them to change it, while it can get us started, self-criticism will never take us the distance, it will fill us with frustrations and discouragements and we will eventually give up. Self-love on the other hand will make us WANT to improve, will INSPIRE us to teat ourselves better and will be a lifelong companion to a joyful and healthy life. The way I see it is WHY would you want to care for someone you criticize and what wouldn’t you do for someone you love?’
Rachel Kieffer -Holistic Nutrition and Health Coach /Owner-Operator at Healthnutgirl
‘100% yes. If you are comparing yourself to others success it can slow your action and creativity!’
Joanna Brown -Certified Holistic Nutrition+Natural Nutrition Clinical Practitioner, NWLC, CCWS, BCR, RP, Raw/ Chef owner / operator at Rejoice Nutrition & Wellness Inc.
‘Absolutely, yes! I constantly am over critical of myself and in the past, I see how that might have stopped me from ding things I thought others had done the best that could be done!’
Beverley Golden –Writer, SongWriter, Peacenik, Re:Searcher, Health Consultant: USANA Health Sciences
‘Yes, self-love can definitely affect our performance and productivity. The way I say it is, that “God will never put more on us than we can bear, but Man will break our back!” When you care, nurture, and love yourself, you will establish boundaries to the expectations and demands that others put on you. Knowing what serves you; how you can apply your energy, time, resources, talents, etc. to best serve others, and your purpose in their lives. You can say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ with clarity.’
Desiree Harris Bonner –Ghostwriter | MBA | Multi-Bestselling Author | Graphic Design | Int’l Awarded Recording Artist
‘I believe the lack of self-love can negatively impact all areas of life. If one isn’t happy with self, nothing and no one one will ever be able to make the individual happy. Their lack of self-love will be evident and prevent them from living a full life. We must learn to be kind to ourselves…. love ourselves….and most importantly…. forgive ourselves when needed. 💖’
Nikkia Bell – Startup Coach for MomPreneurs.
‘I come from a long line of critical women, as I mentioned in another post this morning. I have that critical tendency, too, and recently I saw it in my daughter! So, when I make the effort to focus on self-love instead, it is truly novel and can be powerful in changing my whole outlook and outcome of my day.’
Jane McKeever Gramlich-Teacher/Guide to people 50+ who have a calling for something more. www.janegramlich.com
‘Yes, negativity sucks so much energy and leaves nothing else to give. Taking time for self-love and sacred soul-care makes a big difference in my productivity and the quality if my work as well.’
Kris Groth – Craniosacral Therapist/Healer at Kris Groth – Body Whispers Therapy
‘Without a doubt! Self-love or lack thereof is critical to all aspects of one’s life.’
Kathleen Gubitosi – Musical Alchemist at Sorella Sorcière
‘I think it’s everything! Self live means more confidence and you’ll do better in all aspects of life.’
Lori Peters – Dating Coach, Author, Speaker and Radio Show Host of the Happiness Hangout. www.happinesshangout.net
‘This is a great question. Self-love absolutely affects every part of your life. I am a self-love junkie And find the most amazing creative ways to care for myself.’
Cindy Harpe Hively – Intuitive Healing/Lifestyle Expert inherfullness.com
All these answers gave me the much-needed boost in the right direction. It is of no doubt that self-love or self-compassion is important. As I continue my research and writings I leave you with these words;
God is love. God’s love is the force that created and holds this incredible universe together. This same love He has shared with us because he shared his nature with us. We have often heard the statement: Love makes the world go ’round. It’s all true.
To me, love is a deep and genuine appreciation. When I talk about loving ourselves, I mean having a deep and genuine appreciation for who we are. We accept all the different parts of ourselves—our little peculiarities, the embarrassments, the things we may not do so well, and all the wonderful qualities, too. – We accept the whole package with love. UNCONDITIONALLY.
Unfortunately, many of us will not love ourselves until we lose the weight, or get the job, or get the raise, or the business, or whatever. We often put conditions on our love. But we can change. We can love ourselves AS WE ARE right now.
Novak Djokovic will say: “We only have one life and one body to care of, and we better do it right. You never know what tomorrow may bring and so we better live this life the best we can and be grateful for everything we have.”
I also say ‘Love and take care of the body you have cuz it’s the only place you have to live in.’
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